Meh, I really rather don't like the title of this little post. I normally think that my titles are rather creative, but this one just seems to be devoid of that little bit of creativeness.

What did I come here to say? Well, I guess I came to say that it's almost December. Which, is kind of sad. I'd like to know where my year went. I was sixteen and nothing great happened. I thought sixteen was the year everybody likes. Isn't it? Everybody always has such fond memories from when they were sixteen, my fondest memory is beating Final Fantasy xii.

None the less, I didn't come here to complain or whine, although I think I have proper right to do both. I came here to indulge myself into some writing that would hopefully stimulate my mind and make me wish to write some poetry. Needless to say I don't think anything will come of this aside from wasting your time. I wish not waste your time, I want to let you into me and show you what I am. I just don't know how. Oh, how I wish I had the courage to open myself and show you what I wear underneath my armor. I wish you would take advantage of the chinks in my armor and open me up and see what I am. For better or worse, it'd feel nice to be open to see the light of the sun bathing my hoped drained face in the glorious light of the midday sun.

Sorry, I digress. I think I have a few ideas for poems, but I doubt any will flourish, I'm in the mood for talking to someone, not writing to myself. Which is pretty much all I do. A handful of people perhaps read what I have to write. Otherwise, it's all for me and for me alone. I guess in a way it's a good thing to know that at least I am here. What would it be like if I didn't even believe in myself, what if I thought I were nothing. Just a wisp of imagination that exists to no one else but me and my creator. What if the creator didn't exist and it were just me being an anomaly. What if I never would have existed. The world would be no different. I have influenced no one enough to change anything. Even down to the most menial levels, I feel as if I have convinced no one of anything. I couldn't convince myself out of bed this morning for Christ's sake. And I'm me, I should have such a great force of influence over myself...I mean, I make myself do stuff all day everyday, so how come there is just moments when It's just like "Fuck! I can't do this, I give up." Why? How? Who made these rules that do this to me.

I watched a show today called The Universe, perhaps you are familiar? Well, today they discussed the possibilities of there being a super massive black hole in the center of our galaxy, in every galaxy for that matter. They said it was the most controversial, impossible things that astronomy has ever encountered. But it turns out it's true, or at least they believe in theory it's true. Which got me to thinking...if something so impossible can be true in theory, can't everything in theory be utterly wrong? What if all those theories are just God's law? I use God loosely, I refer to any higher power. What if God just said "Hey that is this and this is that." and He made it so. What if that's all it is, there is no science, science is just a human way of explaining God?

Oh, I jibber on and I wish not to bore you. I hope this let you see into what I think sometimes. This has probably been the most open I have been about anything for a long time. And now that I have released that pent up frustration in not being able to say anything I repress the things I wish most to say even farther now that there is room to spare. So rest assured the words everybody dreads to hear will not utter from my lips for some more time, I have granted you extra time of uninterrupted emotional destructiveness.